Monster
by theweiszguy
Summary: Natsu wish he could take back what he did, but he can't… now they both have to live with his mistake. NaLu Angst.


**_I wrote this a long time ago, I just recently found it again and thought I would share it on here. I hope you guys enjoy!_**

 ** _Trigger warning; contains torture._**

* * *

Natsu never truly believed beauty was ever on the outside, it was the inside that counted. The outside looks were just a plus, but if you were truly in love with someone; you love them for whats on the inside. And thats exactly what he did to win over Lucy.

Lucy was beautiful.

She was just so beautiful in Natsu's eyes. To him, her beauty outshined everything. The moon, the sun, even the stars shining in the clear night sky.

She was just so beautiful.

As he held his wife in his arms, a peaceful expression etched on her face; he truly believed nothing was quite as beautiful. He brought up a battle worn hand to her cheek, caressing it softly with his thumb. It was all smooth skin, under the caress of his thumb. his thumb hit a certain spot; just below the side of her plump pink lips.

It was a mini imperfection in her skin, a scar. It wasn't very long in width, but left a deep mark within Natsu's heart every time he spotted the scar.

Or any scar on her body.

Especially since he was the one who gave her the morbid scars.

His grip on Lucy tightened; he could recall giving her the scars, could tell where every scar was located on her body. There were some on her face, the ones on her arms and legs were longer, stretching almost the full length of the appendages. Though there were an excessive amount the rest of her body, most of the scars centered around her abdomen that she no longer liked to expose for the world to see. He remembered how the demon, the demon who called himself E.N.D., had captured Lucy and used her body for his personal amusement.

 _He specifically remembered being trapped in his own body's mind, watching as his alter ego chain the blonde in the rusty chains. She screamed, shouted, begged for him to stop and for the 'old' Natsu to return. The way he smirked in reply, and the venomous way he said 'I am Natsu' did not set well with him. He couldn't stop his tears of regret when the monster took his large talons and started slicing at the blonde, leaving large gashes, deep enough to leave blood running down her pale skin. He remembered how she tried to be strong enough to not cry due to the pain, she did withstand it for a little bit trying to compensate the screams of pain with trash talk and tears of agony rushing down her cheeks. Soon, the attacks came more frequent, his claws went deeper into her skin until she couldn't help but scream in unbearable pain. She cried out his name, begging him to stop. Natsu kept screaming at his alter self to stop attacking her, but he didn't._

 _The tears of desperation ran down his cheeks in streams, he was so useless. He couldn't do anything. He was trapped inside his own body watching his best friend get tortured by a creature that took over his body._

 _Finally after what seemed like hours of anguish, the relentless attacks had stopped her body. Natsu couldn't bear to look at Lucy, but he had to. He had to see the damaged state she was in now because he was too weak to control himself._

 _He really wish he hadn't looked._

 _He could barely recognize her in her bloodied state, her blood was everywhere._

 _On her skin, her hair, the walls, the floor, the chains and even on him. He remembered the last thing that his alter ego told him, and it would haunt him until this very day._

 _I've had my fun, good luck cleaning up my mess._

 _And like a rush, Natsu was back inside his own body. He could control his limbs, his thoughts, his actions. And his very first thought was to console the blonde whom he was pretty sure went unconscious due to pain._

 _"Lucy…" His voice came out softly, he could barely even hear himself say it. He took a step forward, the crackling rubble under his shoe made the blonde flinch. He seen her begin to raise her head, until her muddy brown eyes met with his onyx orbs. He seen her eyes widen, her mouth began to shake._

 _"No…" Her voice was shaky, she tried to back up into the wall ignoring the pain of the rocks digging into her wounds. "Please… no more… no more…" She whimpered out, tears beginning to fall from her eyes once again. His heart hurt at her words, he didn't blame her for being fearful of him._

 _"Lucy, its me. Natsu. Hes gone, I promise you he's gone."_

 _"How… How can i believe you?" Natsu's movements ceased, how could he show her? For the first time, he noticed that his talons receded back into his body as well as his demon wings. He reached his hand out, trying his best not to retreat it when she pushed herself farther into the wall._

 _"See Luce? My claws are gone." For emphasis he drug a finger across his now flat nails. The blonde looked at him, looking a little relieved in Natsu's eyes._

 _"N-Natsu…" She whispered out, the sobs taking control of her body; shaking the chains she was still shackled in. Natsu pulled her into his arms, trying to sooth her with running a hand through her bloodied hair and resting the other hand on her back making sure to avoid the gashes on her skin. He cooed her with loving words, promising her everything was going to be okay._

Even though he doesn't know if anything would be okay anymore.

He kissed her scar having reliving the memory for the umpteenth time. Still thankful for this day that Lucy didn't think he was a monster for what his body had done for her. He cried for days, weeks even, feeling remorse for the whole situation. Lucy, being the loving and the forgiving person that she naturally was, forgave him instantly saying it wasn't him. No matter how many times Lucy tried to console him, he said it worked but truly it didn't.

Natsu hated himself.

Even if it wasn't him that truly did the deed.

His eyes travelled from his wife's face down to her growing stomach. By some miracle, two years ago Lucy had agreed to become his wife. It was now two years and five months later that Lucy was four months pregnant with their child. The thought of becoming a father scared Natsu. When their baby girl asked how her mother got her scars, what were they going to say? 'Oh daddy's body got taken over by a demon and tortured your mother.' No, they were not going to tell their daughter that. Natsu felt his eyes watering at the thought of his unborn child.

He didn't want his daughter to think he was a monster.

He already hated himself, he hated himself sometimes to the point of where he didn't believe he had the right to live. When he felt like that, he always went to Lucy even if it didn't do any good. He hated himself, regardless of what Lucy said; of what anyone said for that matter. Deciding it was time for his brain to stop thinking, he decided to go back to sleep.

His eyes traveled back up to Lucy's head, planting a soft kiss on her forehead and apologized to her for the umteenth time

I'm sorry I'm a monster.


End file.
